


the star that fell to earth

by RJam9



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s11e01 The Woman Who Fell to Earth, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Heavy Angst, Minor Character Death, Spoilers for Episode: s11e01 The Woman Who Fell to Earth, THATS AN ACTUAL TAG HOLY SHIT, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Needs a Hug, as in: grace dies, but this episode came out like a year ago so it’s fine, first work yayy, for the aesthetic, for the doctor, how the fuck do you tag, lower case intended, uh what else, you can tell a lot about me from these tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:47:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23560090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJam9/pseuds/RJam9
Summary: they're like a shooting star, a beautiful array of gold and blue streaking across the sky.{ my take on 13s thought process during s11e01 'the woman who fell to earth'. }
Relationships: Grace O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair, Grace O'Brien/Graham O'Brien, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair, Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	the star that fell to earth

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello!! this is very old but I needed something for my first post lmao
> 
> cross-posted on Wattpad and the Doctor Who amino

•

they're like a shooting star, a beautiful array of gold and blue streaking across the sky.

one of their slim hands is reaching out above them, fingers stretched out like they're going to pluck one of the dot-like stars from the sky to marvel at. instead of star, however, they wanted to grab onto the disappearing shape of their ship as the clouds covered it from view.

their old coat, covered in holes and frayed at the edges, flys loosely around them, doing little to block out the piercing wind whipping around, throwing blonde hair into their face.

even with the chill settling in around them, though, their body feels like it's on fire. a streak of golden light trails them where they fall, making it look like the tail of comet. a little pocket of stardust that follows them wherever they go.

as they fall, memories flash in front of their eyes, making them squeeze them shut to try and shake them away. they know they can't focus on those right now, because outside of their little bubble of space something is going on.

they hit something hard and metal and go right through it with a 'bang' and suddenly all their senses rush back into them.

•

"Hold on there please, madam. I need you to do as I say. This could be a potential crime scene."

they pipe up at that. madam, huh. humans were alway so tricky with their titles and genders and pronouns, but they never recalled (in the black void of their mind with only a few golden sparks occupying it) being called madam before.

"Why are you calling me madam?" they spin around to fast for someone that just fell through the roof of the train, they know, but what these humans don't know was they they recently had golden tendrils of light spill out of them, so they could stick it.

"Because you're a woman...?" the lady replies slowly.

they blink in shock and let their mouth drop open into a small 'o'. woman! they've never been that before, that much they can recall. they had alway been stuck in the same model of bodies for thirteen different ones, it was exhausting.

"am i? does it suit me?"

it's funny. they can recall over a thousand years worth of lifetimes but can't remember their own name.

(they also know that the people around them are humans and they're not.)

•

graham goes to look for information, leaving just them and the grandmother and grandson. grace and ryan, they think. their mind has gone all sluggish, all of the sudden, probably because of all the fizzing inside still going on.

"suddenly I feel really tired." they muttered, closing their eyes as they feel a pounding headache come on.

"That was a big fall you had, love. We should get you checked out at A&E." grace (they think it's grace. they're not good at remembering anything in this present moment right now. the flashbacks are happening again.) says, putting a hand on their shoulder. however, that just makes a weird burning sensation crawl up their arm and they flinch away.

they try and focus on what she just said. a&e. hospital language, they think. for some reason the idea of a hospital makes them panic and their hands start shaking.

"no, no, no. i never go anywhere that's just initials. although..." the time-telling sense in their nose itches, and they stick a finger up one nostril to focus through one on what it's trying to tell them "ah. can one of you catch me?"

black creeps into the corner of their vision right now, making it hard to stand upright. a voice far away asks "you're going to fall over?", but it's distant and faded like it's underwater. they try and tune in on it.

"in 2 minutes, 19 seconds." they pause "wait. forget the 2 minutes, 19. oh, this new nose is so unreliable..."

they can't fight the black any longer and fall backwards, just like they did a few hours ago when they were falling through the pitch black sky twinkling with distant galaxies.

(a little pocket of stardust that follows them wherever they go.)

•

they're under water.

they're in a warm state right now, comfortable as the water enwraps them like a hug. they keep their eyes close and sigh, feeling like they could float here forever.

however, something was bubbling next to their ear. they opened their eyes slowly, one had time, to see their body slowly drifting close to the deep orange sky blanketed in galaxies upon galaxies upon galaxies.

a weird feeling of dread settles over their spine, disrupting their peaceful calm state they had been in. they groan slightly, knowing that they can't stay in this paradise forever. they extend a hand out towards the surface.

(they want to keep floating)

their fingertips break the thin line separating them from reality.

•

they wake with a start.

"ah! ah! oh! who woke me up?" they exclaim, seeing the four shocked faces starting down at them "i'm not ready, still healing, still..." something pings on their neck. a small, electronic charge that pulses through their unguarded, new, fresh body "oh. can you smell that? no, not smell, not hear, feel." feel yes, they think that's the word. they're still a bit fuddled from their nap and regeneration and all these memories flashing through their head "can you feel...?"

•

"i'm sorry any of this is happening. i'm sorry that thing on the train planted these bombs inside you, and i'm sorry i haven't figured out what's going on yet."

they don't get why this new body's apologizing to all these people. why it cares enough to get attached to them.

(maybe it's because of all the memories bouncing around in their head of bill, of nardole, of missy and clara. it's been awhile since they've been truly alone, the last time their body got out of control because of the loneliness.)

(maybe it's their way of trying to fight it, by getting attached to these new people, to care about them enough to apologize and try to get these dna bombs off them instead of going after the creature.)

(maybe it's their way of trying not to die, not rushing into things when these bombs could go off any moment and kill them before they even had a chance to stop the creature. to stop their suicidal tendencies and forcing them to stop and think for a moment.)

(maybe it's because they're sad and can't help themself.)

•

"You don't look like an alien."

they nearly laugh at grahams comment. just because they look human doesn't mean they are, lots of aliens look humanoid, silly old buffon.

"you should've seen me a few hours back. my whole body changed. every cell in my body burning. some of them are still at it now. reordering, regenerating."

why are they telling them all this? not like they're understand. human, they try, but sometimes things are to complicated for their brains. doesn't mean they love them anything else.

maybe they want the humans to take pity on them, because if that's what they want (they're not sure what they want. everything's still so new.) then it's working.

"Sounds painful, love." grace says.

"you have no idea. there's this moment when you're sure you're about to die and then... you're born." sometimes they don't want the process to go through. sometimes they do actually want to die. but they don't add that part in "it's terrifying. right now, i'm a stranger to myself. there's echoes of who i was, and a sort of call towards who i am, and i have to hold my nerve and trust all these new instincts. shape myself towards them. i'll be fine, in the end. hopefully." they wish.

"well, i have to be because you guys need help. and if there is one thing i'm certain of, when people need help, i never refuse."

that's one thing they know. and if they stick by that, they hope all the other things floating around in their head (worriedscaredpitfullonleysad) with eventually go away.

•

they stare up at the crane, taking in the sheer size of it. they focus on where karl is, oblivious to what's going on around him "that tentacle-y thing is guarding karls crane, so we go up this one."

"What do we do when we get up there?" yaz asks (yaz! they're getting better one the names)

"don't worry, i've got a plan."

"Really?" Yaz questions.

"well, i will have by the time we get to the top."

they start climbing. no one else will die tonight, they bet on the stars up above and planets far away. they will not let another person die under their care.

(bill. missy. nardole. clara. all gone.)

(a little pocket of stardust that follows them wherever they go.)

•

"these legs definitely used to be longer!"

they pull themself onto the jib, thankful for the spare energy they got from that nap. standing up, they brush off their ruined coat for imaginary dust, feeling the familiar rush of a brewing storm overtake them.

"oi! tim shaw, you stop right there."

tim shaw freezes, still gripping karl by the shirt collar, before turning around slowly taking off his faceplate to stare them in the eye.

"Oh, he's got a face of teeth!" karl exclaims.

"i know. i've got this." they reassure karl before turning back to tim shaw "let him go... or i destroy this."

they reach into their pockets only to be met with emptyness. ignoring the cold stares of the villain in front of them, they search their pockets with a dejected "really need a new coat." before presenting a glowing red gizmo "this."

they wave the thing around carelessly, enjoying the way tim shaw looks shocked "the recall from the pod you travelled in. i took it out. without this, you can't get home. yeah, see? now you're worried. if i fall, this falls with me. then you're stuck."

for once, tim shaw looks honestly, ever-to-stars, afraid. and they love it.

•

"Who are you?"

they grinned.

"yes. i'm glad you asked that again. bit of adrenaline, dash of outrage, and a hint of panic knitted my brain back together. i know exactly who i am. i'm the Doctor. sorting out fair play throughout the universe."

"now please, get off this planet while you still have a choice."

(a little pocket of fear that follows them wherever they go.)

•

they stare down at graces body and feel their hands begin to shake.

they promised no one else would die today. that tim shaw wouldn't claim anymore victims. that they wouldn't fail again and again and again they always fail they don't get to keep anyone everyone's gone bill nardole missy clara river rory amy donna wilfred martha rose and now one more dead body to add to the list.

they leave, they walk away from the grieving family until they're far enough way they're sure they won't be heard by the people who have reasons to be sad.

they scream. they scream and bang their fists and pull their hair because they had promised they had promised they had promised.

they're the Doctor and they're suppose to save people.

(a little pocket of death that follows them wherever they go.)

•

(they don't go to the funeral, because whenever they saw her body they could only picture a smaller body dressed in blue with bushy hair and younger eyes and a gaping hole in her stomach covered in old pieces of metal and fabric.)

•

they take time after the funeral to gather up their thoughts.

they need to mysterious entity again that shows up and saves the day then flys away, never getting tangled up with people because that just ends up bad for both sides. but they something to fly away in.

they need to find their tardis.

•

(they think about what graham said, about them not looking alien. they need to not act alien now, so they don't freak out the grieving humans.)

•

"Moment of truth, then. Wish me luck. And goodbye. Oh, deep breath. Not you lot. Me."

They look at the three humans standing in front of them, smiling softly at their silly mistake. They go to grin back, but settle for a small half-smile instead. Be more human, they remind themself. Humans don't just grin widely at people they barley knew.

They inhaled, and activated their sonic. The microwave timer reached zero, and power surged through cables. They feel the electricity rise through the air and they closed their eyes, not realizing something was wrong until it was too late to stop it.

When they opened their eyes, they were greeted by blinking nebulas. They grinned at the familiar sight of the vacuum of space, by suddenly they couldn't breath and their arms went numb.

They manage to turn their head to see the three human floating behind them.

Oh no.

•

(a little pocket of stadust that follows them wherever they go.)

•

**Author's Note:**

> pls give me criticism I might cry but I need it
> 
> also point out any spelling errors. there’s prob some bc I suck


End file.
